Fear Number Two...

Ok people, this is a big day. The day that I conquer one of my biggest fears! I have NEVER liked telling people what I weighed even when I was at my thinnest so for me to post my weight on here for all to see is a huge step in the right direction. I have come to the realization that I need to stop hiding from my weight. After all, it is just a number (one that I pay WAY too much attention to) but a number just the same. I need to focus on how I am feeling, how my clothes fit etc. Not the number on the scale. So, Im going to try! Here we go...

My weight as of this morning- 165 pounds
Goal Weight- 135 pounds

30 pounds to go!!

Fear Number One!

Ok, so my last blog was all about fear and one of my biggest fears is posting pictures of myself. I will only post a pic of myself on my blog, facebook... anywhere if I dont have double chins, my thighs arent showing and I look fairly acceptable. Well, Im ready to face that fear. I am posting a VERY unattractive "before" picture.

Now, let me explain about this "before" picture. Yes, its before... because I have lost weight since then, about 15-20 lbs (not exactly sure). But I am using the "After" picture as my "before" picture from here on out. Did that make sense? I am still about 30 pounds from my goal weight and I have really, REALLY been slacking!

So, as part of facing my fears I am posting these pics to jump start my weight loss again. To show me where I have been and what I have done so far but still as a reminder of how far I have yet to go.

Ok... here I go.... deep breath... publish post.... now!

I am INSPIRED!!

I just finished watching the movie, Julie and Julia with Meryl Streep. I am inspired. The movie is based on a true story of a woman who cooked her way through Julia Child's entire cookbook and blogged about it along the way. She gave herself a deadline of one year to finish what she set out to do. And while I have no desire to cook my way through Julia Child's cookbook, or any cookbook for that matter. I do have my own goals that I would love to accomplish. Goals that are constantly set and constantly never reached. So what is my main goal, you ask? One that you know I have, one that I think everyone has...lose weight. But not only lose the weight, become healthy, become fit, become more active.

I have started this daunting task many, many, many, many times and each time I give up. Yes, I have had some success but not the kind of success that I desire. As I ponder the way I have tackled this goal time and time again I have finally realized that fear has held me back. Not the fear of being thin. But the fear of failure. Usually when I start down the long daunting road of diet and exercise I don't tell anyone that I've started this journey because I don't want everyone monitoring what I eat. I don't want people to think "she's no thinner than the last time I saw her, I thought she was on a diet". I also have NEVER told anyone an actual starting weight or measurement.

So how has this movie inspired me? It has made me realize that we are all human beings. We all have goals that we have never reached. Most of us have my exact goal and very few of us actually reach the goal of weighing less and being more healthy. What am I so afraid of? So people will know what I actually weigh...so what. My true friends won't judge me because of it. And I may just get the support I need instead of the criticism that I fear. And maybe...just maybe if I can get up the courage to actually post a starting weight and inches I will have the courage to reach my goal once and for all. And if I inspire anyone else along the way than that's just a bonus!

**On a side note- looking back at previous posts, they are so sporatic with no regularity... Im going to try to fix that! :)